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Forget Networking, Start Connecting

Were you ever wondering if participating in networking events makes any sense? You shared dozens of business cards and nothing happened? Here’s how you can connect with the right people.

Axel Rittershaus




Entrepreneurs attend events. It’s what we do. We network. But how often do you actually get the response you are looking for? How often have you been to an event and seen one or two people who were different? They seemed to know everyone, got in touch with most people, and still were looking professional and fun at the same time. You were wondering which special talent they have that you might lack.

There is no special talent needed! It’s the way these folks approach such an event that makes the difference.  It’s the “Connector” approach.

Connectors vs networkers

The old fashioned “Networker” approach:

  • Get in touch with as many potentials clients as possible
  • Talk about your business all the time
  • Figure out how you can sell your stuff to the person in front of you
  • Run away from people after 30 seconds, if they don’t seem to be potential clients

This behaviour tells people that you are just on the hunt. At future events, they will probably avoid you. You’ve just lost a great potential connection.

What are the attributes of a “Connector?”

  • A connector brings together people who did not know each other
  • They don’t talk to people to sell their own stuff, they’re talking to them because they’re genuinely interested in other people – and in increasing their network
  • They keep in touch with all the people they have met, even if it’s just a postcard for Christmas and most definitely birthday greetings

Most important:

  • The connector knows that a person who doesn’t need them right now might become a great customer at a later stage. If they establish a relationship and trust right now, they will call them (!) when they need them.  And they will refer them to their contacts, even if they never did business with them!

I know a guy called Marc who runs huge workshops (200+ people or so) in many African countries. He’s very good in connecting. He recently signed up a new client who was referred to him by another organisation he was in contact with, but did not work for yet.

That’s what you should be aiming for. Isn’t that a priceless sales force?

How do you become a Connector?

If you get in touch with somebody, you should listen actively and pay special attention to these topics:

  • What is he looking for?
  • What does she think about the event both of you are attending?
  • What business is she dealing with every day
  • What issue does he have to get solved?

Forget your sales pitch. Listen.

But you’re not done yet. Now the magic of Connectors unfolds by asking one of these key questions:

  • “Is there anybody you’d like to meet? Maybe I can introduce you to that person.”
  • “What exactly are you looking for? I can ask some of my contacts if they can assist you.”
  • “I think I know somebody you might want to talk to, since he had a similar situation to solve.”

How often do you meet a person and she offers her help in bringing you together with someone else? Without charging for it? You see. That’s the reason why these questions are so powerful.

By doing so, you are “paying forward.” You’re giving, without expecting an immediate return. But the return will be there one day! For sure! And the return might not even come directly from the person you were helping.

By the way: You really have to mean it. You have to be able to connect this person with a valuable contact or at least give it a try. Otherwise, it won’t work and you might get the image of a con man.

How does a Connector handle a sales opportunity?

If the person you are talking with is looking for something you can deliver, you don’t need to hide. Mention some clients where you solved that problem already. You don’t need to say how great you are – you should rather quote some outstanding comments from your clients. This will make the person curious. Don’t oversell, create curiosity.

Share business cards and tell them that you will call them. Call them the following day and continue the conversation. And before you leave the person at the event, make her smile – and she will remember you!

Look at it this way:

“When you meet someone, don’t think about what the person can do for you. Think about what you can do for them personally. And in the end, all of you will be the winners.”

Now it’s your turn.  Start connecting. You might enjoy it.

PS: Whenever you introduce a person to someone you already know, use a charming attribute to describe your new friend like “outstanding,” “remarkable,” “funny,” “great,” “leading,” “very good.” People like to hear nice words about themselves – but you have to mean it!

PPS: This is not only valid for networking events. Every conversation, every contact should be treated this way.

Axel Rittershaus is an internationally renowned C-Level / Executive Coach & Author who started as an entrepreneur in the IT industry in 1993. He knows that success is the result of hard work and determination even more than innate talent. A master of maintaining focus and follow-through, Axel supports C-Level leaders globally in achieving goals. Axel is dedicated and passionate to see clients succeed beyond their expectations. Axel is also the president of the International Coach Federation South Africa and a multiple Two Oceans and Comrades finisher. You can follow him on twitter.

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  1. CraigPadoa

    Oct 31, 2011 at 04:19

    I have one rule I hold above others when it comes to networking – see

    Quite simply when you meet someone don’t think about what the person can do for you but think about what you can do for them personally.

    You will be amazed the difference it makes when you become a connector. Immediately you move from being a person on the end of the phone or table who wants something, to being someone on the end of the phone who can offer something…MASSIVE difference but one that will help ensure you build a genuine and valuable network.

  2. Natashia Jefferies

    Feb 10, 2012 at 18:47

    Love this article Axel! I have forgotten about “networking” years ago and when I go to events my focus is on really listening to people, and seeing how I can connect them with people already in my network. The benefits overwhelmingly exceed my efforts, which keeps the process going.

    I hope many people take heed to what you speak of.

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The 12 x 12 x 12 Rule For Successful Networking

If you follow the three parts of this rule carefully, you can learn to network successfully.

Brian Hilliard




The following excerpt is from Ivan Misner, Ph.D. and Brian Hilliard’s book Networking Like a Pro. Buy it now from Amazon.

Perception is reality. How many times have you heard that saying? Probably enough to know that the way you’re perceived really does affect the business you conduct (or don’t conduct) with other people. This is especially true when it comes to networking and meeting someone for the first time, and this is where the 12 x 12 x 12 rule becomes so important.

Basically, this rule involves three questions:

  1. How do you look from 12 feet away? Do you look the part?
  2. How do you come across from 12 inches away? Does your attitude and body language reflect what they first saw?
  3. What are the first 12 words out of your mouth?

What we’re talking about is how important it is to create the right perception of yourself and your business.

Let’s face it: As a businessperson, you’ve got a lot going on. But, most prospects don’t care how much you’ve got going on or how many balls you have in the air. They just want to know if you’re a potential solution to a problem they have, and their initial perception of you goes a long way in making that determination.

The same is true for potential referral partners.

They want to know if they can trust you with their referrals – people (and sometimes clients) with whom they have a good relationship. Do you have your act together so you won’t jeopardise their good name when they refer business to you? Right or wrong, their initial perception of you is going to play a large part in answering that question.

This is precisely what the 12 x 12 x 12 rule is all about. It looks at you from the perspective of other people (prospects or referral partners) and shows you how to optimise their perception. This doesn’t mean manipulating or deceiving them; experienced people can see through that. Nor is it about checking your personality at the door. What it does mean is fine-tuning your networking practices to avoid shooting yourself in the foot.

Related: Great Places To Take Your Clients When Networking

Let’s go over the specifics of the 12 x 12 x 12 rule and how you can manage the perception others have of you.

Look the part before going to the event (How do you look from 12 feet away?)

professional-appearanceYou’d be surprised how many people fall short in the fundamental area of appearance. If it’s a chamber of commerce networking breakfast, don’t go casual. Instead, consider wearing a good suit or nice outfit. You need to be well rested and clearheaded when attending a morning networking session; make a conscious effort to get plenty of sleep the night before. If you’re not a morning person, hit the sack earlier than usual so you don’t look like the walking dead. Regardless of how many cups of coffee you’ve had, people can tell if you’re not all there.

Make sure your body language sends the right message (How do you come across from 12 inches away?)

When it comes to forming networking relationships, most of the important information – trustworthiness, friendliness, sincerity, openness — is communicated through nonverbal cues such as posture, facial expression and hand gestures. When engaging in conversation, look the other person directly in the eye and stay focused on what he’s saying. Lean a bit into the conversation rather than away from it; don’t stand rigid with your arms crossed.

When meeting someone for the first time, a lot can be said about how much your attitude can impact her first impression. Make sure that when you’re talking to others, you have a positive, upbeat attitude.

Another part of the “12 inches” away rule is making sure you know which pocket your business cards are in and having plenty on hand. Nothing screams, “One of these days I’ve got to get organised!” louder than handing a potential referral partner someone else’s card. So make sure you have some type of system for keeping your cards separate from the cards you receive at the event.

One more thing: Remember to smile when meeting someone for the first time. Studies have shown that if you smile when you talk, you seem more open and forthright. Obviously, you don’t want to go overboard with this and start grinning and shaking hands like a hyperactive clown; just show that you’re having a good time, and that will send the right message.

Related: The Top 10 Behaviours To Avoid When Networking

Make sure you’re ready to speak (What are the first 12 words out of your mouth?)

When someone asks you what you do, make sure you’re ready with a response, or unique selling proposition (USP), that’s succinct but memorable. A good USP is the offline equivalent of a good post on social media… something that promotes curiosity and engagement. The attention span of the average adult is 20 seconds; a long, drawn-out answer to the question isn’t going to work. Whatever words you choose, make sure your answer is quick and informative without sounding over-rehearsed or contrived.

Perception is reality when it comes to meeting people for the first time. If people perceive you as not being right for them, they simply won’t be inclined to refer business to you, regardless of the work you can actually do. However, by keeping the 12 x 12 x 12 rule in mind, you’ll go a long way toward creating the right impression in the blink of an eye.

This article was originally posted here on

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Why I Never Meet Someone For Coffee

The conventional offer of “getting coffee” is, in my opinion, one of the most frustrating offers that can be made.




First off, I need to make clear that I am not against meeting people for coffee or even drinking coffee. My issue is that I’ve learned that the offer to go get coffee usually means that somebody wants something from me. Whether it is time, money or to help them make a connection, an offer to grab a drink almost always has some ulterior motive behind it.

You might think that I flat out don’t want to help others, but the real issue is the other opportunities that I have in front of me. I have a lot on my plate, so dedicating the time to a “quick” coffee meeting does not make much sense.

Related: Starbucks Coffee Is All About Culture… For A Reason

Say no to getting coffee

Hours spent in the office doing business are not the time to sit back, relax or socialise. I try to be as efficient, effective and statistically successful as possible during work hours (and beyond). The conventional offer of “getting coffee” is, in my opinion, one of the most frustrating offers that can be made.

I rarely take anyone up on the offer to “do lunch” during work hours. Just consider the amount of time that it takes to get to and from a coffee or lunch meeting, and how much business could be done in that same time.

Then, think about the inefficiencies of utilising that time for things such as small talk, even before you get to the critical business issue.

Have an objective in mind

I have the objective to try and keep every phone call to a maximum of five minutes. When it comes to in-person meetings, I prefer them to take place at my office or overlapping other meetings I have outside the office, which I call “holding court.”

Even then, I try to keep those meetings to 20 minutes long. This allows me to fit in as many meetings or calls as possible. So many people make the excuse that they are “doing business” and then leave the office to do unimportant things, or overlap their meetings around errands.

Make no mistake, I’m not advising against meeting people in person. I’m saying take control of the business opportunity and have them come to you, or meet them somewhere convenient when you are outside of the office.

Related: 5 Ways That Coffee Affects Productivity

No coffee, just grind

The majority of lunch and coffee meetings that take place are nothing but an inefficient use of time. I would suggest not only rejecting such meetings during work hours, but to also stop asking for coffee meetings unless they’re absolutely necessary.

How do you determine whether or not a meeting is necessary? Take a look at the reasons and impacts the meeting can have. If these outweigh the potential drawbacks of an in-person meeting, then it is acceptable to ask. Make sure that you focus on making efficiency a key principle when chasing your objectives.

Stay focused in on critical business issues and you will find that focus will provide you with everything you desire in business and life.

This article was originally posted here on

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Great Places To Take Your Clients When Networking

Are you hoping to make a lasting impression on your client? Maybe you are trying to woo a new client? If that’s the case, you’re going to want to read on and check out these great places that are ideal for taking your clients to.

Jeff Broth




Do you live in South Africa and work at a job that entails taking clients out while networking? Are you tired of doing the same activities over and over? Are you hoping to make a lasting impression on your client? Maybe you are trying to woo a new client? If that’s the case, you’re going to want to read on and check out these great places that are ideal for taking your clients to.

Introduce Them to Casino Action and Fun

There’s no better way to make a splash with your clients than by taking them to one of the many casinos found in South Africa. Between the cities of Cape Town, Durban, Johannesburg, Queenstown, Pretoria, and Sun City there are more than 15 casinos to check out. Casinos offer a light and fun atmosphere that is perfect for letting loose. At the same time, they aren’t too loud, which means you can go ahead and sneak in a little shop talk.

Related: The Top 10 Behaviours To Avoid When Networking

Besides the casinos, you can also take your clients to horse races and even bingo. If the casino action is a big hit with them, be sure to let them know there are a large amount of South African online casinos that offer all the same types of games, plus a whole lot more.

Enjoy a Sports Game


Professional sports events are another fabulous spot to take your clients. You get that laid back casual atmosphere that allows you to stray from the traditional business attire, it’s a chance to get out of the office, and you can introduce your client to your own home team.

South Africa is well-known around the world for its love of sports. Among the most popular are rugby, cricket, and soccer. If you want to take them to the most popular sport in the country, however, soccer is the clear winner. Loftus Versveld and Ellis Park are two stadiums that are known to draw in some very rowdy crowds. Just be sure to get your tickets well in advance so you don’t end up disappointing your client.

Share the Local Cuisine

While there is absolutely nothing wrong with taking your client out for a meal, this particular option tends to be over-done. In order to make yours a memorable experience, skip the chain restaurants and typical locations and instead introduce your client to local and authentic cuisine. These are the places the tourists don’t tend to visit, but the locals know all about.

Plan an Adventure Tour


Before you go ahead and choose this option, it’s a good idea to learn as much as possible about your client in advance. Not everyone is up to adventure activities, so you want to be sure you don’t put them in an uncomfortable position.

Related: 3 Practical Tips To Nail Networking

If you’ve got the green light, however, there are all kinds of activities you can take part in. Adventures can include a private helicopter tour, paragliding, zip-lining, a shark watching tour, a private surfing lesson, whale watching, kayaking, a sightseeing tour (by bus, car, or foot), bicycling, hiking, snorkelling, horseback riding on the beach, or even High Tea in Cape Town.

All of these ideas are unique and memorable so you know the visit will leave a lasting impression in your client’s mind.

Don’t Be Afraid to Think Outside the Box

When it comes to entertaining your clients while you spend time networking, there is absolutely nothing wrong with thinking outside the box. Coming up with unique ideas is sure to leave that lasting impression in their mind, which is exactly what you are striving for.

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