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How To Maintain Energy In Your Relationship In 2017

An entrepreneur works best with the lights on at home. We all do. Sound relationships provide an enabling springboard into each day and if we get it right, we can start the way we intend to finish. With optimal energy in the tank.

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It takes both partners to maintain a relationship’s life-force. It’s easy to keep things vibrant when it’s still early days but as the relationship matures, we tend to become less conscious and more sluggish allowing the vital element of creativity, to become a thing of the past.

Energising relationships are inherently creative. Rather than being black and white or dull and boring, they’re colourful, flavourful and interesting. But after a long day at work, how do we find the capacity to participate, initiate and stimulate? The idea of vegging in front of the TV might seem far more attractive.

Indeed, being slothful is appealing and appropriate at times, but if you’re not mindful, this approach can result in relationship neglect. Whilst 360’s are common HR workplace tools in corporate business, it’s not so common for entrepreneurs to take a holistic view of themselves or to take stock of their energy reserves and the state of their relationships with family and friends.

Related: Disputes Can Arise In Any Relationship And Franchising Is No Exception

If your relationship needs tending, Stephen Covey’s Law of the Farm is worth considering. The Law of the Farm is at the other end of the continuum of the Law of the School. The latter is used in business and hinges around power and control. But it doesn’t work well at home. In fact, if power plays form the game-plan in your relationship (or farm), it’s likely to look barren and forlorn with trust being fast eroded.

In contrast, the Law of the Farm is about sowing and reaping and invites you to view yourself as a farmer who delays gratification and cultivates consciously, growing the relationship and claiming responsibility for the state of the resultant harvest.

This means if your harvest reaps a partner who is resentful and withdrawn, you’d be asking yourself what you might have sown to cause that. Then you’d ask yourself what seeds need planting to change your landscape.

Harvesting a Relationship

Life force is drained by the energy greedy: Demanding people, chaotic events, endless traffic, deadlines, cellphones, stressful confrontations, gossip, negativity, moodiness, nagging uncertainty, anxiety, worry, mistrust, guilt, chores, financial obligations and the myriad defeating thoughts that plague us.

Load these energy sappers on the shoulders of the usually self-reliant, resilient and high voltage entrepreneur who typically neglects to refuel and you’ll see the lights go out in multiple places. 

Related: 5 Business Relationship Building Insights To Grow Your Freelance Network

relationship-energy

12 Measurable Energy Cues in a Relationship include:

  1. Your levels of enthusiasm for one another
  2. Your ability to connect physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually
  3. The twinkle in your eye messaging joy and recognition when you see one another
  4. The attention you pay to each other’s stories
  5. The quality time you invest in the relationship
  6. Your level of proactivity
  7. Your efforts to cultivate romance and adventure
  8. Your ability to be truly present
  9. The amount of laughter you share
  10. Your efforts in getting energy sappers out the way
  11. The warmth and frequency of your embrace
  12. The depth of your listening.

Energy in every relationship needs maintenance and monitoring. Because once we’ve reached burn-out stage and the relationship has run out of steam, it’s likely that energy-sapping resentment, blame and regret has filled the precious spaces where energy-producing enthusiasm once lived. 

Keep Energy in Reserve

So how do we get the energy back in relationships? Reduce what’s sapping you.

Do an audit of all that saps your relationship’s energy. To help you identify these parasites, draw up categories:

1. Internal:

Energy Sapping Thoughts, Energy Sapping Feelings and Energy Sapping Behaviour and Activities (include consuming foods that sap you).

2. External:

Energy Sapping People, Energy Sapping Topics & Conversations, Energy Sapping Events, Energy Sapping Circumstances.

Now do the same for Energisers in the above categories.

Review 1 and 2 above and attribute the amount of time you spend in giving energy and gaining energy.

3. Put on your creative hat and recall what used to energise you or something new that you’re curious about, like dancing, playing games, sport, laughing, sharing, connecting, trying new things, visiting places and people, making love, discussing certain topics, taking risks and so on. Identify which energy sappers you’re going to avoid or give up and identify what energising replacements you desire.

4. Taking only the factors within your control, ask yourself what you need to do and what you will change to ensure that the batteries of your relationship can be and are re-charged.

Related: Understanding The Art Of Relationship Brokering

Your personal energy and the energy you co-create in a relationship has a unique rhythm, flow and voltage which impacts not only you, but the people around you and your business. Uniting with someone who can charge your inner battery, and you theirs, speaks to the tremendous complimentary potential of this reserve.

Learning to tap into your partner on an energetic level will have you hearing their unspoken messages – you’ll be listening to their soul, tapping into their life force and connecting with their subtle nervous system.

If we aren’t vigilant, toxic thoughts and people will deplete our vitality. In the same way the world calls on us to be responsible for our planet’s energy reserves and the footprint we leave behind, so too must we consider how we protect and nurture the energy within ourselves and in our relationships. Relationships are living entities comprising living beings and if there’s no energy left, the lights will simply go out.

Lauren has specialised in cognitive re-programming (Accelerated Behavioural Cognitive Therapy – ABCT) as well as relationship counselling. She’s also a relationship self-help author, Certified Relationship Educator (CRE) and a professional member of both the American Counselling Association (ACA) and the Natural Healers Association. For more info lsclucas.com

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Self Development

It’s My Job And I’ll Cry If I Want To: The Case For Showing Emotions In The Workplace

Allowing workers to show their true selves has its benefits.

Amanda Slavin

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In a society that values strength, independence and self-reliance above all else, why express yourself? Why go out on a limb to reveal anything other than the highlight reel you post on social media in any situation, let alone in the setting where it could cost you the most: At work?

As it turns out, it could pay off in a big way.

Corporate robots are a dying breed

In today’s professional landscape, people want to bring their whole selves to work, even if doing so would break from the norms of “professionalism.” Millennials want work-life integration, not just work-life balance, meaning they’re not going to leave their emotions at home and send a cold, feeling-less, in-control-at-all-times automaton to the office in their place.

The insane precedent we’ve set for employees to remove so much of themselves from their professional lives is not only unhealthy for individuals; it’s also costing their employers in huge ways, even cutting enormous chunks out of corporate bottom lines.

By creating a workplace that does not allow people to share who they are, employers are essentially ensuring widespread workforce disengagement and high turnover.

I have a (somewhat) radial recommendation to overcome this massive issue: Cry at work.

Related: How to Harness Your Emotions

So, you want my employees to be crying – in the office?

Yes and no. In a perfect world, your employees would be perfectly balanced in their workloads and satisfied in their roles. They would never feel overwhelmed or dejected, and the need for showing negative emotions in the office wouldn’t exist.

We all know that’s not the world we live in. With the insanely fast pace of business these days, it’s likely that your team is going to feel frustration, anger, sadness and a whole host of other unpleasant emotions in the office.

I firmly believe that allowing, and even encouraging them to process these feelings outwardly is essential to having a successful business.

Here’s a personal example so you can see that it’s not as scary as it seems

One experience during last year’s holiday “break” led me to the brink of exhaustion. My team and I thought most people would be offline, but instead, our clients were in need of assistance, and I ended up picking up a heavy load because we hadn’t planned accordingly. I was working until the late hours every night during a week I had planned to spend with my family, and I was frustrated. This was directly impacting my health, and I was putting my professional success in front of my own personal and physical health.

After the holiday, during our weekly check-in, I expressed this frustration with the entire team. I cried during this call, explaining that I had felt really alone and like I could not really depend on anyone. I empathized that I knew everyone worked so unbelievably hard and that we all needed this break, but ultimately we hadn’t set ourselves up for success. We had to work harder and smarter so that we could truly take a well-deserved break and be present with our loved ones and ourselves.

The team responded immediately, and not only understood my perspective, but jumped into shape to do the work. In the end, we were able to satisfy our clients’ needs and set aside a time of rest for all of us, including myself.

Sometimes tears are the most productive solution, because they show your humanity and rally your colleagues to support you.

Related: 10 Ways Smart People Stay Calm

OK, I get the picture; now what do I do?

encouraging-emotional-expression

There are so many strategies you can try to create an expressive, engaged workplace in which everyone can show how they really feel, but the ones I recommend starting with are:

1. Encourage expression

Create an environment where people can openly share their emotions, whether that’s an all-team happy hour when a new client is won, or encouraging employees to vent their frustration on a tough day. Sometimes, this even means encouraging crying in the office.

2001 study by Vanessa Urch Druskat and Steve B Wolff found that teams who score high on tests for emotional intelligence (or emotional quotient, EQ) perform markedly better than those who score poorly. “Our research shows that, just like individuals, the most effective teams are emotionally intelligent ones.”

And they aren’t the only ones preaching the EQ gospel. Their findings have been replicated by hundreds of workplace and emotional researchers and published in dozens of peer-reviewed journals.

One of the most effective strategies that my company, CatalystCreativ, has used to help businesses create a more empathetic and expressive culture is teaching ways to foster traditionally “feminine” traits above more “masculine” ones. By valuing and expressing traits such as receptivity, surrender, vulnerability and tenderness, employees of all genders show higher rates of engagement and job satisfaction, and companies themselves perform better.

Think your male managers won’t go for it? That would objectively be a bad choice. A 2011 study conducted at Stanford examined feminine and masculine traits in male and female employees, and compared these traits to their rates of promotion compared to their peers. The results were surprising: “Feminine” men got two times the promotions of their traditionally masculine peers.

Those workers able to blend feminine and masculine traits in the workplace tend to excel beyond their peers, and companies that encourage this expression among all employees will reap the financial rewards.

2. Reduce stress

Although all workplaces today are somewhat stress-inducing, those that discourage emotional expression are particularly problematic.

By not crying and sharing emotions, employees are bottling in stress. I could site literally thousands of sources explaining that stress is horrible for health, and everyone is now aware of its awful effects, which extend to harming work productivity.

Professor Roger Baker, a clinical psychologist and professor at Bournemouth University in the U.K., claims that “crying is the transformation of distress into something tangible, and that the process itself helps to reduce the feeling of trauma.” And he’s not the only one who feels this way.

William Frey, a biochemist at St Paul-Ramsey Medical Center, found that tears contain the stress hormones prolactin and adrenocorticotropic hormone, meaning that crying literally flushes stress-causing chemicals out of the body.

If you’re still unconvinced about allowing, and even encouraging, your employees to cry in the workplace, consider this: Stress costs U.S. companies $300 billion per year, due to health care and missed work days alone. And while eliminating all stress is impossible, allowing employees to process and express it is the only way to reduce its negative effects on your business.

So, if you’re reading this as an employee, go big. I encourage you to show up to work as your whole self every day. If you’re an organisational leader, I hope you recognise the absolute necessity of creating a more open workplace for your employees. One in which they can celebrate, laugh, talk about their real selves and yes, even cry.

This article was originally posted here on Entrepreneur.com.

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Self Development

The 5 Gut-Check Questions Confronting Entrepreneurs Every Day

The day you forget why you began is the day you’re done.

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Entrepreneurs make an astounding number of decisions daily. They are faced with choosing which opportunities to move on and must solve problems big and small.

By setting up a framework of questions to ask yourself daily, you’ll give yourself some markers to help guide you through these difficult situations. Knowing where you stand on these questions will empower you to make good choices that ultimately lead you to your desired outcome. It will give you a deeper understanding of your motivations and your feelings about your business, and can help you clarify future plans.

Here are five powerful questions all entrepreneurs should ask themselves daily to ensure they are consistently moving toward their goals and making the best decisions for themselves and their business. Ask yourself these questions with an honest and open mind, and see where they take you.

1. Why are you doing this?

What makes this one little question so powerful is that it forces you to examine your desires and impulses, and helps you chart how those motivations change over time. It forces you to look at things from a different perspective. Asking yourself this question every day reaffirms your ambitions and the mindset behind why you are doing what you’re doing. If you don’t know why, you’re in trouble!

Related: Entrepreneurship Is All About Overcoming Obstacles

Asking this question opens the door to a plethora of other questions that will give you food for thought. What is the reason for launching your business? Why are you passionate about doing this? Are you the right person to run this business? These answers may change over time. At first it may seem difficult to truly nail down the “why” behind your motivations. Maybe there are competing interests that are driving you. But when you really think about it and drill down into this question, there’s probably a simple answer. Just be sure you’re being truthful with yourself.

Why you do something also gives rise to the question: what do you hope to achieve? You need to know what your end game looks like, and what success means to you. Is it about attaining a certain level of wealth? Is it about being the top in your market? Is it about earning respect? Are you looking to rule the world (or at least a niche market), or are you simply hoping to earn a living doing something you love?

Start your day by asking yourself this question and see where your answer takes you. By spending a few minutes pondering this, you’ll gain clarity that will help you steer your career in the direction you want it to go.

2. What is your company’s purpose?

purposeSee if you can answer this question in a single sentence. A good place to start is with your mission statement: what are the formal aims, goals and values of your company or organisation? This should be clear and concise – it should get to the heart of what your business is about.

Your company’s purpose is the foundation that all else is built on. It should have enough flexibility to grow and allow for change, but be specific enough to be meaningful and relevant. Ultimately, this question should help you understand what the heck you’re really doing here.

This question should be at the forefront of your mind when making important decisions. Ask yourself whether this new venture or idea would reinforce or logically contribute to your company’s overall purpose. Are you staying true to your calling?

That’s not to say that your purpose can’t change over time. However, if it does, the change should be purposeful and executed with care. Thinking about this will help you identify your long-term business goals and may lead to bigger questions, such as: What do you want your company to mean to your customers, what is your company’s place in world and what is its ideal market?

3. Where is your business at right now?

The goal with this question is to take both an analytical and emotional assessment of your business. This is a chance for you to take a hard look at where your company sits. Is it on the right track? What seems amiss? What is going right and how can that be reproduced throughout your business?

It’s also important to acknowledge your emotions and to be mindful of how you are feeling about your business. What is your gut instinct saying? Are you feeling anxious or excited about the business? Whether you are having negative emotions or positive ones, it’s important to recognise what you’re feeling and why you’re feeling that way.

This will give you a chance to better understand your mental state and how that may be influencing your decision making. It’s also about understanding what kind of vibe you are putting out. Are you feeling clear-minded and balanced? Or are you feeling off-kilter and out of sorts?

Being in tune with your emotions and having a clear view of what’s going on with your business will ensure you’re on an even keel. It will help you avoid overreacting or under-reacting to situations.

Related: Attention Black Entrepreneurs: Start-Up Funding From Government Grants & Funds

4. What lessons are you learning?

Every entrepreneur faces an uphill battle to achieve success. Every day you should be learning and growing, and the best way to do this is through a great deal of reflection on the lessons that present themselves each day.

Ask yourself whether you’re learning from your mistakes. Failure is a part of every entrepreneur’s journey. The question is, will your mistakes allow you to learn and grow? If not, you’re liable to fall into the same pitfalls and missteps. Conversely, are you learning when to jump at an opportunity and when to let it go? This is the ultimate lesson every entrepreneur is trying to learn, and it’s never an easy one.

The next time you’re weighing whether or not to take a risk, try asking yourself: “When I’m 80, will I feel sorry if I hadn’t gone for it?” Jeff Bezos does this as a way to crystallise whether he will regret not taking action on something. In the big picture, it’s often what we fail to do that we see as our biggest mistakes in life.

5. What’s next?

If you ask yourself one question every day, this should be it. As an entrepreneur, you always need to be anticipating what’s next. You need to anticipate what’s coming down the road and formulate a plan to take it on. This is the question that forces you to look up from that pile of work on your desk and think about the big picture and next steps for your business.

What strategies will you need as you keep pushing your business into the future? What trends or shifting interests are coming up that may affect your business? How will new technology impact the way you manage the company?

Disruption will happen in every market because change is inevitable. Businesses that survive see that wave coming and start making adjustments early on. So, in a way, change is predictable because it will always come. Innovation and ingenuity will always be the key to success – and those who seize opportunity will ride the crest of the next wave.

So when you ask yourself “What’s next?” make sure you have your blinders off and are looking at things with a curious and open mind. Make sure you’re staying open to new ideas and embracing creative solutions. Keeping looking for the “wow” factor.

This article was originally posted here on Entrepreneur.com.

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Self Development

5 Inspiring Quotes From Madiba To Stir You Into Action On Mandela Day

In honour of Mandela Day, here are 5 of Nelson Mandela’s most inspiring quotes.

Casandra Visser

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Bouncing Back

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“Do not judge me by my successes, judge me by how many times I fell down and got back up again.”

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