When I got married I tried working with my wife. It didn’t go over so well. My wife had a very hard time separating work from family, while I found it very easy. We started to fight often. After three months of working together, we decided jointly that it wasn’t working for us.
We haven’t fought like that since. Years later and with children in the mix we’ve learned a lot about each other. I’ve learned that the key to working with your spouse at work isn’t that different from learning to work with your spouse in a marriage.
One of the most popular benefits of starting your own business is having the flexibility to spend more time with your family. You’re the boss and can set your own hours. But some entrepreneurs want to spend even more time together – and start their own co-owned business venture.
According to the National Federation of Independent Businesses, 43 percent of small businesses are family businesses with 53 percent of managers in these businesses are identifying a spouse as the family member who is sharing day-to-day management. With even more people opting to tread the path of the entrepreneur, we could see more and more couple-owned businesses.
“We assume that [husband and wife-run companies] are a wonderful thing because there are a number of high-profile couples who are still around to talk about their businesses and their marriages and how they make it worked,” says Wharton management professor Laura Huang. “But in general, it may not be a good idea to go into business with your spouse.”
Yes. Working with your spouse comes with a lot of pros. One pro is sharing the same goals and values and being able to celebrate success together. While you’re celebrating – the spouse actually knows what you are celebrating and why it’s important. The spouse-partners seem to have a deep trust and understanding of each other, personally, as well.
There’s also the other side – the cons. This includes handling the pressures of the working situation in a different way. Think about how you might bring work stress home then try not to discuss the elephant in the room. The personal and professional pressures then, sometimes become intermixed.
But, what does science actually say about working with your spouse.
A five-year study of around 5,000 couples conducted by Brittany Solomon and Joshua Jackson of Washington University in St. Louis found that a spouse’s personality affects your career.
Their research uncovered that conscientious people foster success wherever they are, and in whatever space they live in. Conscientiousness is characterized by a tendency to be organized and dependable. It also creates conditions that foster success in all other areas of their lives.
Because of their innate attention to detail, conscientous people notice and support their spouse by helping them complete day-to-day household tasks. The conscientious person encourages habits like reliability, and helps others to reduces their overall stress. They are more likely to be promoting a healthy work-life balance.
While that’s a start and provides a little insight, it doesn’t focus on couples working with each other in a joint business venture.
Research from the Danish Institute of Labor Economics (IZA) [I know, the acronym doesn’t match in English] looked into this phenomena. The Institute collected a sample of 1,069 Danish couples who had established a joint enterprise between 2001 and 2010.
The research found that starting a business together provided significant income gains for the couple. Nicole Torres in the Harvard Business Review, commented on this research. Torres “suggests that starting a business together is typically a sound investment of both spouses’ human capital. It has the added benefit of reducing income inequality in the household.”
This same study “also found that couples that open businesses together are no more or less happy than other couples.” Data was measured by usage of antidepressants or anxiety/insomnia medications.
Torres continues, “they’re no more or less likely than their counterparts to separate, divorce, or have children.”
On the flipside, a research paper came from the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill (UNC). It’s conclusions were “that gender inequality in the distribution of control was more likely to occur within spousal teams.” According the papers’ authors, “women have reduced chances to be in charge if they co-found new businesses with their husbands.”
Their theory comes from noting the expectations involving gender-typical work. “For example, men are expected to be the “breadwinner” while women are the “homemaker.”
Kathy Marshack, a clinical psychologist who studies entrepreneurial couples, added that co-entrepreneurial wives believe that it’s just their job to make their husbands “look good.”
“I found that the wives were not as independent as women who were in a career separate from their husbands,” Marshack said. “On a test of sex role orientation, [women in separate careers] tended to score high on desirable feminine traits. Whereas dual career wives scored high on desirable feminine traits and high on desirable masculine traits.
“The latter is what we tend to see with women who function as more independent professionals in the work world. They also have more egalitarian marriages than the copreneurial wives.”
Trisha Harp, founder of the Harp Family Institute (HFI), focused on the effect that entrepreneurship has on relationships and vice versa. “Our research shows that 87 percent of respondents have experienced cash flow problems at some point in time with their company,” Harp told Entrepreneur. When entrepreneurs experience these cash flow problems, their sex lives decrease.”
“Since money and sex are two of the main causes for divorce, this is a little concerning,” says Harp.
Interesting, when the test subjects were asked: “Knowing what you know now about being the spouse of an entrepreneur, would you still marry your entrepreneur?” Eightyeight percent surprisingly said, “yes.”
Harp believes this is because “in spite of the roller-coaster ride that defines entrepreneurship, spouses have reported a great feeling that they are “on this journey together.” There is a strong desire to stick it out. HFI data also shows that when couples create a shared vision for their future, their satisfaction in all areas of life increases.”
Harp’s research also discovered that:
- Creating shared business and family goals lead directly to greater happiness.
- Positive outcomes actually result from sharing both the good the bad regarding the business.
- Entrepreneurs need to be on the same team.
- Showing gratitude and being loving, fun, intelligent and honest are important.
Despite what the science says, there is no easy answer on whether or not you should work with your spouse. Between the research and from my personal experience, it can actually be a good thing. Besides the financial perks, it guarantees that you spend time with your spouse, who you can trust the most in the world. In my opinion, it’s a win-win.
That doesn’t mean that it’s a walk-in-the-park. To ensure that you can survive working together, here’s some of my favourite tips:
- Communication and listening are absolutely essential.
- Divide and conquer responsibilities based on your strengths.
- Don’t talk about work 24/7. We have a rule that all work talk stops before 8pm.
- Don’t bring personal issues into work. Have those discussions during off-hours.
- Have separate workspaces so that you’re not literally with each other 24/7. If you work from home, consider leaving the house twice a week and work at your local coffee shop. Shared entrepreneurial office spaces work very well, also.
- Make time for your relationship, like going on a two-week long vacation.
- Always be supportive – even during those bad times.
- Understand what you’re getting into. Entrepreneurship is hard and isn’t for everyone. Make sure that you understand the time and financial risks involved. Discuss how it’s going to impact your relationship and lifestyle. Determine and respect roles and responsibilities. Make sure that you’re both on the same page when it comes to all financial decisions and business goals.
Here’s to figuring this out!
This article was originally posted here on Entrepreneur.com.
Why Rest Is the Secret To Entrepreneurial Success
The surprising power of downtime: Here’s why the most successful founders work the least.
Cheetahs are the world’s fastest land mammal. These feline sprinters can accelerate from 0 to 60 miles per hour in three seconds flat. Explosive speed enables them to take down an antelope, but when they’re not hunting, cheetahs expend as little energy as possible.
In fact, researchers found that cheetahs burn about 2 000 calories per day – the same as an average-size man. “I guess both humans and cheetahs rest a lot to offset high-energy activities,” biologist Johnny Wilson told National Geographic.
Cheetahs work hard to capture their prey, but they quickly compensate for each burst by hiding, waiting and resting. Clearly, they don’t have startups to run, but I can’t help but draw a parallel between these big cats and modern founders.
In the early days of my 12-year entrepreneurial journey, I was the anti-cheetah. I thought success required 16-hour workdays. I was constantly building, growing and hustling. Over the years, I’ve learned that busy and successful are not the same thing. Yet, many of us spend the whole day sprinting, to the point where we’re stressed and exhausted.
According to Joseph Bienvenu, a psychiatrist and director of the Anxiety Disorders Clinic at Johns Hopkins Hospital, busyness has become a widespread health issue:
“Emotional distress due to overbusyness manifests as difficulty focusing and concentrating, impatience and irritability, trouble getting adequate sleep, and mental and physical fatigue.”
As I’ve built my company, JotForm, I’ve learned that when we know how to balance work with restorative rest, our productivity can skyrocket — and we might even catch more antelope.
The roots of busyness run deep
Scholars believe Homer wrote the Odyssey near the end of the 8th century B.C. In book 9 of this epic poem, Odysseus describes the island of the Lotus-eaters, where the natives spend their days lounging and eating the intoxicating lotus fruit.
Once Odysseus’ crew tries the fruit, they forget about home and long to live out their days on the idyllic island. Eventually, Odysseus drags his men back to the ship and locks them up to break the spell.
Talk about a parable for laziness. It seems even Greek philosophers prized industry, and yes, busyness. Today, everyone from founders to football coaches despise anything that implies complacency. We’re always pushing to do more, to improve ourselves and to stay constantly in motion.
Subconsciously, we even evaluate peoples’ worth based on how many hours they work or how “in demand” they are. We prize “busy” above all else. At a certain point, however, we have to make a choice: Do we want to be busy, or do we want to make an impact?
Nothing is more precious than time. It’s a cliché, but it’s true. Escaping the cult of “busy” means taking time to rest – and it requires us to step back and re-evaluate what matters most. I’d like to share how I’ve learned to reject the frenetic pace of startup culture, and how you can, too.
Start small – and take breaks
Busyness robs us of precious hours: to think, play, explore, nurture relationships – and to rest.
“There is a simple way to take back your time: Do less,” journalist Elizabeth Evitts Dickinson wrote in John Hopkins Health Review.
“And yet, those two words are perhaps the most challenging call to action. Doing less means understanding your priorities and constantly defending them against the encroachments of the status quo, which dictates that busyness – and material wealth and value – is best.”
As Dickinson says, it’s not easy to reverse our mental conditioning. Doing less isn’t as simple as it sounds. That’s why I recommend starting small. First, take the time to discover your peak hours, then take breaks throughout the day. Not only will you feel better, but these short rest periods can actually improve the quality of your work.
In fact, regular breaks can prevent decision fatigue, restore motivation, increase productivity and creativity, and consolidate memories. Breaks that involve even five minutes of movement can also improve our health and well-being.
Taking time to grab a coffee or chat with a team member is far from “doing nothing,” but it’s an important way to step off the metaphorical treadmill and re-establish your priorities.
Reserve time for reflection
Some of the greatest founders, innovators and creators set aside large chunks of time just to reflect. For example, Microsoft founder Bill Gates first took solo Think Weeks – seven days spent reading, strategising and reflecting — before the idea spread through the company. Today, Gates credits those weeks with generating some of Microsoft’s top innovations.
Other founders, like Skillshare’s Mike Karnjanaprakorn, have now implemented the practice. So have Mark Zuckerberg and Tim Ferriss. Even people who can’t take a full week for reflection often thrive when they set limited working hours.
The late Dr. Maya Angelou, for example, always drew clear boundaries in her schedule. The legendary writer, poet, singer and activist arrived at her desk around the same time each day. Afterward, she set aside work to spend time with her family.
“I try to get there around 7, and I work until 2 in the afternoon,” Angelou said in Daily Rituals: How Artists Work.
“If the work is going badly, I stay until 12:30. If it’s going well, I’ll stay as long as it’s going well. It’s lonely, and it’s marvelous.”
Challenge your body
Rest doesn’t necessarily mean lounging out on the couch, watching Netflix in a glassy-eyed trance. The most effective downtime also involves physical exertion, whether that’s a long walk, a hike or a bike ride. Restorative activities can help to balance out more brain-intensive work.
Silicon Valley consultant Alex Soojung-Kim Pang, author of Rest: Why You Get More Done When You Work Less, says rest is a necessary form of mental restoration. And exercise is one of the best ways to recover the mental energy we need to perform at peak levels.
“There are so many people who find that a workout, a long hike, clears their minds, helps them calm down, gives their subconscious mind opportunity to think through problems,” Pang told Scientific American. “What all of that teaches us is that exercise is a really important form of rest.”
Embrace the digital Sabbath
At least one day a week, give yourself a technology break. It’s not easy to cut the psychological strings, but going device-free on a Saturday, a Sunday or another day of your choice can give your mind space to wander, while enhancing your creativity.
If a full day away from screens and notifications feels challenging, you’re not alone. But remember that a stressed, tired brain can’t generate fresh ideas. We’re also more likely to make mistakes and overcomplicate solutions when we’ve exhausted our mental reserves.
As the late Steve Jobs once said, “Simple thinking can be harder than complex: You have to work hard to get your thinking clean to make it simple.”
VC-backed founders get the lion’s share of startup press. They make headlines with record-breaking funding rounds and dominate the top of TechCrunch. Outside investment can provide essential startup capital, but it can also tie founders to the pressures of hockey-stick growth targets and boards eager to recover their cash.
Instead of the 24/7 grind, I chose to bootstrap my company with a slow-and-steady approach to growth. It has taken time, and it hasn’t always been easy, but I’ve built a stable business that can even function without me. Most importantly, I have full control over my work and my life.
If that sounds like a privileged position, you’re absolutely right. I’m grateful for the ability to spend a whole summer with my wife and my newborn baby, for example, and I’ve worked hard to reach this point. Bootstrapping isn’t the right approach for everyone, but it can help you to maintain your freedom and live a more balanced life.
Work to live, instead of living to work
Even in a conversation about rest, we still tend to look through the lens of productivity. We’ve become obsessed with maximising every minute – and that’s fine, as long as we reclaim that time for our lives, not necessarily our work.
No matter how excited we may feel about our businesses, or each new project, a rich life also includes family, friends, exploration and adventure, in whatever proportion you desire. I certainly don’t want to regret relationships that fell apart while I was staring at a screen, or the opportunities I missed in the world outside my office.
Try to leave work at work – even if it’s in your home. Give yourself the gift of restorative downtime. And balance thinking hours with time spent in motion. Just like the cheetah, we can sprint to bring down the antelope, but then it’s time to rest.
This article was originally posted here on Entrepreneur.com.
Having The Time Of Your Life
How can you avoid a To-Do list that never gets ticked off by the end of the week? Or maximise the number of hours you work on critical projects, to achieve your career goals? And why is it important to take time out?
Being an entrepreneur is a constant balancing act between the demands of your business needs and your personal life. The key to a work/life balance that ensures you achieving your work and personal goals for the year ahead, is effective time management.
Time is our greatest resource and there are many ways in which to maximise your ability to manage this precious commodity. But how can you avoid a To-Do list that never gets ticked off by the end of the week? Or maximise the number of hours you work on critical projects, to achieve your career goals? And why is it important to take time out?
Unfortunately, time does equal money
In the modern workplace and in most businesses, time is synonymous with money. Whether you bill by the hour, or bake by the truckload, time is essential in running a successful career and business. Just think of how important time is in the service industry, and how time influences purchasing decisions. Think of all the drive-through fast food chains in a city – all there to save time. Because time is indeed money, it is critical to prioritise your time effectively. Keep in mind your most pressing deadlines, plan ahead and prioritise clients and customers effectively.
Me-time with a twist
Self-management impacts on your personal effectiveness and includes managing yourself and your time, being responsible for your achievements and being accountable for your results and successes. In business, if you prioritise a company’s time more efficiently, it can lead to improved customer service, improved delivery, increased profits, and increased market shares.
Imagine what it could do for you if you made the mind shift to prioritise your time and self-regulate your time daily?
Visualise that empty inbox
Start by removing thoughts of procrastination and imagine yourself as a “doer.” Think of the benefits of becoming a doer. What would our work life be like if we organised our tasks in order of importance, and not in order of enjoyment? What would it feel like to be thought of as someone who “got things done” and was “reliable?” How would we handle our paperwork? Imagine having an empty in-tray.
Critically, managing your time and self-regulating the hours, minutes and seconds in a work day will free up time for the people that matter in your life. Go watch that ballet recital or cricket game you never have time for. Have a coffee with a fellow entrepreneur and see how these small acts of rewarding you for time well spent, with energise you in your daily tasks.
Ditch the time wasters
A Time Waster is anything (or anyone) that doesn’t contribute to your daily goals or your To-Do List. Many of these time wasters have become a natural part of our work style. Now is the time to change – to reverse the process. It will take time and effort to get rid of time-wasting habits. Research shows that it takes approximately 21 days to change a habit.
For example, at first, we will have to make a conscious effort to keep our meetings on track. If things are dragging on, we need to stand up and indicate that the meeting is over (if you are running it), or to be excused (if your input is no longer required). This applies to all the time-wasting habits we have acquired.
It may be uncomfortable at first to tell a colleague that you are busy and unable to chat – but as you get used to being assertive and as they get accustomed to the fact that you are not always available – then it will become easier.
More tips to deal with time wasters
- Fix a time for paperwork and admin;
- Have clear daily objectives;
- Delegate work as needed;
- Group your telephone calls;
- Be assertive with unannounced visitors.
The Secret To Living A Balanced Life As A CEO? Pick A Strong Second In Command
The key is to find a partner who is strong in areas where you are weak.
Entrepreneurs are not known for having work-life balance. In my experience, trying to find balance as a start-up founder is like looking for a real-life unicorn. If you’re looking to create something that is disrupting an industry, the path isn’t going to be easy.
Building out a new idea practically guarantees imbalance. This is especially true in the early stages of a start-up. Prior to joining LegalZoom, I would work 100 hours a week. It was a fast-paced start-up world. I had to make certain sacrifices. For example, I chose not to have a family right away, because I knew I wouldn’t be able to be the present father I wanted to be. However, I was prepared to make those decisions. I believed in the work I was doing, and I knew it was going to take blood, sweat and tears.
So, what’s my advice to entrepreneurs on achieving balance? First, grow the company. Even in a company of 25 people, the burden of leadership generally falls on one person. It can take upwards of 100 people to really notice a shift in leadership. But, second, and most importantly, look for a co-partner that is just as strong as you are.
The one-two punch
Usually, when companies are founded, there is one individual who is celebrated. We forget there’s almost always another person behind the scenes helping to call the shots. Oftentimes, that person doesn’t want to share the spotlight. He or she is happy to have a non-public facing role and just want to get the work done.
We tend to talk about the visionaries, but there has to be a person in the company who helps turn that vision into reality. We all know Walt Disney, and maybe even the previous longtime CEO Michael Eisner, but what about Frank Wells? As the president and COO alongside Eisner, Wells helped lead the company through a 10-year period of unprecedented growth. Steve Jobs will forever be remembered as the visionary behind Apple, but Steve Wozniak provided the necessary engineering expertise to drive the company forward. Even today, many believe Elon Musk needs a strong second-in-command to help run Tesla.
I call this dynamic the “one-two punch” in leadership. As a CEO, you have to think critically about your second-in-command – whether it’s the COO, CTO or CFO.
We all want to be able to spend our time doing the things at which we excel. Excellence is what drives the company forward. At LegalZoom, I’ve been able to spend 80 percent of my working hours on tasks that leverage my strengths. The only way that I can do that is by having a partner who is strong in areas I may be weaker. In a strong one-two punch combination, both of us are spending 80 percent of our time on our strengths. The key is that those strengths don’t overlap.
How to find a great co-captain
The longer you wait to find your “two,” or if you make a mistake in selecting that person, you set yourself up for trouble. How do you find a second-in-command that can help you lead your company to success? It may seem obvious, but the first key is to understand where your weaknesses lie. It is essential that your co-leader make up for the skills that you lack, and vice versa.
It’s important to consider a person’s background as well, but don’t be afraid to look beyond the resume. I’ve judged candidates before based on raw talent and a gut feeling on their potential. Sometimes the best person for the role doesn’t necessarily have the strongest resume. Instead, he or she has a high level of motivation and a killer work ethic. These are the individuals that never hear “no.” They look for solutions rather than just identifying issues – and they are critical in the startup world.
Ultimately, while you bring different skill sets and career aspirations to the table, you and your co-partner must connect at a collegial level. At the end of the day, you have to appreciate what the other does. You have to share a common vision and mission.
Finding balance, after all
Any CEO with some semblance of balance in their life owes it to the small army of individuals behind them helping to make it happen. While you should prepare for imbalance early in your career and understand the sacrifices it takes to start a company, with the right “two,” you’ll have the support needed to succeed.
This article was originally posted here on Entrepreneur.com.